Now, before any of you start freaking out and wondering if there was something important that you missed... this adorable, wonderful, handsome wee bairn is my NEPHEW, Noah Joseph Tapscott.
At 7:56 am (EST) on January 19th the world became a better place, when, in White Marsh, MD, my amazing sister-in-law Jesse and my incredible brother Matt welcomed the latest addition to the family.
And at 1:05 pm (GMT--five hours ahead of EST) Auntie Beth, sitting at her office desk in St Andrews, Scotland, got a text message from the proud papa, announcing the arrival. Just one letter: 'N'. And then she started blubbering like a baby. And Auntie Beth is NOT a crier.
99% of those tears were happy tears. I was just so overcome by joy and excitement. And love. For Matt and Jesse. For my parents. For my younger sister, Megan. For our family (those by birth and those by choice). But most of all, for wee Noah, himself. In less than the time it took to type this sentence, I fell head-over-heels in love with a boy I have never met.
And that is where the other 1% of tears come in: Tears of self-pity. Because an entire ocean stood between me and holding my sweet, wee nephew and whispering in his little ear that I love him. Because 3547 miles kept me from hugging my brother, and telling him in person that I love him, and that I am so ridiculously proud of the man he has become and the dad that he is going to be. Because I'm in a different hemisphere and I couldn't kiss my sister-in-law and tell her that I love her and that she is an amazing woman, one of best things that ever happened to our family.
And now that Noah has finally arrived, I would be surprised if Matt and Jesse aren't feeling a bit overwhelmed... But I am an ocean, 3547 miles, and a hemisphere away and cannot do anything to help. I do not have the ability to look them both in the eyes, and assure them that they will be, and already are, amazing parents.
And it breaks my heart.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know that I am where I am supposed to be. Doing what I have been called to do. And I wouldn't change that for anything. I knew when I was given the chance to get my PhD and to see something of the world at the same time that I would have to make certain sacrifices. Such an amazing opportunity does not come without its costs. However, these last two and a half weeks have been the hardest by far.
But, oddly enough, they have also been the most productive. I realise that the sooner I finish this PhD--the sooner I finish writing my thesis and pass my Viva and make my final corrections and submit the final copy to the University--the sooner I get to hold my beautiful wee nephew. Even so, that probably won't be until June at the earliest. But Noah is proving to be a more potent motivation than anything else has--even the prospect of being called 'Dr Tapscott'! So, for the next few months, my research will be brought to you by the letters...
N O A H.
(Photo by Ellen Coe)
